Monday, June 18, 2012
Doing so good
This is really it. It took me a little bit to get going, but I have been on a diet for a month and a half or so and have lost 19 pounds. I am not going back to that old lifestyle. I am eating healthy and exercising. My old lifestyle is gone and I will not look back. Those food cravings are gone and I won't let them invade my mind again. It will take a long time, but it is worth it. I can already notice a difference. I can do this and nothing will hold me back. I can't wait until I get to my goal weight and shove this in the face of all the people who didn't think I could do it. This is it! If I can do this anyone can.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
It was as bad as I thought
I just weighed and it said 298.2. How did I get here? Why do I love food more than I love myself? Is that the bottom line? What causes me to be so obsessed with food that I just eat and eat? I can go to a fast food place and eat an ungodly amount. It has to stop. I want to feel normal. This is not normal.
My first small goal is to get back to a 2x. The reason is that over the years I would start a diet and then something would happen where perhaps I was buying a t-shirt and I would think "Oh I will get a 2x because pretty soon I will be down to that." Well summer time is rolling around and I want to get down to some of those 2x t-shirts I can't wear. I won't even tell you how many I have in my closet.
Small goals...one day at a time.
Oh and...I think I am going to drop caffeine. I just don't like diet sodas and the regular ones just aren't good for me. So...I will have to toughen it out. There will be headaches and I will want to rip someone's head off, but I have to do this. I guess if I am not going to go cold turkey then I could just see how long I can go and then when the headache starts I will have one. Eventually the time between headaches will get longer and then will go away. I have a friend who quit drinking caffeine. I can do this.
My first small goal is to get back to a 2x. The reason is that over the years I would start a diet and then something would happen where perhaps I was buying a t-shirt and I would think "Oh I will get a 2x because pretty soon I will be down to that." Well summer time is rolling around and I want to get down to some of those 2x t-shirts I can't wear. I won't even tell you how many I have in my closet.
Small goals...one day at a time.
Oh and...I think I am going to drop caffeine. I just don't like diet sodas and the regular ones just aren't good for me. So...I will have to toughen it out. There will be headaches and I will want to rip someone's head off, but I have to do this. I guess if I am not going to go cold turkey then I could just see how long I can go and then when the headache starts I will have one. Eventually the time between headaches will get longer and then will go away. I have a friend who quit drinking caffeine. I can do this.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
The beginning
I want to start by saying that I know that I have nobody else to blame. This is on me. I am an adult and I make my own decisions. That being said...sit back and let me rant for a few minutes.
I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being tired of being fat. I am tired of only being able to shop at Lane Bryant (which I have to order online or go 30 minutes to) because of the fact that normal plus size areas don't have 3x and when they do it is either something I wouldn't wear or it is a 3x that I can't fit into. I wear a size 28 pants. I am tired of going into skinny clothing stores with friends and feeling like people are looking at me like a freak. I am tired of having to settle for whatever I can find in my size because of the fact that I don't have a good selection. Don't get me wrong, Lane Bryant has cute stuff but I want more options. I want to be able to shop in just about any store in the mall. I want to feel like people aren't looking at me and thinking of how fat I am. I want to have better self-esteem. I want guys to look at me like "Wow she is looking good". I want to not have to worry about my weight being more than a chair can handle. I want to go to an amusement and/or water park and not have to worry about exceeding the weight limit.
I am so close to 300 that it isn't funny. I haven't weighed lately so who knows I might be over. I am going to weigh tomorrow (and post it). The most I ever weighed was 304. I have friends and I am not completely unhappy, but I feel like I am missing so much. I feel like life is passing me by. I just want to quit talking about losing weight and to just do it. I want to feel like I am not a walking heart attack. It has been a long time since I have been to the doctor, mostly because I am scared of being told I have to go on medicine of some sort. I know a couple of times my blood pressure has got high because I can feel my head get tingly. Most of the time when I take it though it acts like I am borderline.
Another thing that worries me is the type of food I am eating. Not just that it is making me fat, but that it has horrible things in it. All the chemicals and things they are doing to the food just creeps me out. Like meat for instance. They pump cows full of hormones and etc to make them grow, produce more milk (assuming they are dairy), and all that just to make a bigger profit in a faster manner. This can't be good for us. Plus I am not one of those people who hates that we eat animals, but I do hate that they pack these animals into tiny spots and the animals are not allowed to roam and have happy little animal lives before they are killed. I just think that the food industry has gotten corrupt and don't care about the long term effects of this.
I can't say I will be organic 100% of the time, but I want to make an effort to eat organically most of the time. I am done with fast food. I am going to change and this time I have to do it. I have to do it for myself and for the people who love me. I want to know what it is like to feel good about myself. I have to be strong.
I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being tired of being fat. I am tired of only being able to shop at Lane Bryant (which I have to order online or go 30 minutes to) because of the fact that normal plus size areas don't have 3x and when they do it is either something I wouldn't wear or it is a 3x that I can't fit into. I wear a size 28 pants. I am tired of going into skinny clothing stores with friends and feeling like people are looking at me like a freak. I am tired of having to settle for whatever I can find in my size because of the fact that I don't have a good selection. Don't get me wrong, Lane Bryant has cute stuff but I want more options. I want to be able to shop in just about any store in the mall. I want to feel like people aren't looking at me and thinking of how fat I am. I want to have better self-esteem. I want guys to look at me like "Wow she is looking good". I want to not have to worry about my weight being more than a chair can handle. I want to go to an amusement and/or water park and not have to worry about exceeding the weight limit.
I am so close to 300 that it isn't funny. I haven't weighed lately so who knows I might be over. I am going to weigh tomorrow (and post it). The most I ever weighed was 304. I have friends and I am not completely unhappy, but I feel like I am missing so much. I feel like life is passing me by. I just want to quit talking about losing weight and to just do it. I want to feel like I am not a walking heart attack. It has been a long time since I have been to the doctor, mostly because I am scared of being told I have to go on medicine of some sort. I know a couple of times my blood pressure has got high because I can feel my head get tingly. Most of the time when I take it though it acts like I am borderline.
Another thing that worries me is the type of food I am eating. Not just that it is making me fat, but that it has horrible things in it. All the chemicals and things they are doing to the food just creeps me out. Like meat for instance. They pump cows full of hormones and etc to make them grow, produce more milk (assuming they are dairy), and all that just to make a bigger profit in a faster manner. This can't be good for us. Plus I am not one of those people who hates that we eat animals, but I do hate that they pack these animals into tiny spots and the animals are not allowed to roam and have happy little animal lives before they are killed. I just think that the food industry has gotten corrupt and don't care about the long term effects of this.
I can't say I will be organic 100% of the time, but I want to make an effort to eat organically most of the time. I am done with fast food. I am going to change and this time I have to do it. I have to do it for myself and for the people who love me. I want to know what it is like to feel good about myself. I have to be strong.
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